thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
