Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
