it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
