So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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