idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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