I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
