i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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