Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
