you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
