Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
