After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
