u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
