Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
