last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
