just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
