I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
