you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Are my feet made of real feet?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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