Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
