I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
