Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
