u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
