I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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