even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
