She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
