My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
