I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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