You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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