five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My dick has a subreddit
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
