At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
