Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
