my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
accomplished twins. life is a go
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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