The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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