I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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