Screwed.edu
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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