is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
