she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize