i was born a porn star she said
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
