Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can I color on your dick again?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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