i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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