Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
