My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
