He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
