apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
