We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
