Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
