there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
