Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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