She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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