Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
