I wannas sexs uuuuu
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
