I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
