fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
