it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
