ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
