You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
