but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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