my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Less talking, more tequila
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize