areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
