marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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