Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
