Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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