Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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