There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
