Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked