OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
