M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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