Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts