yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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