I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....