gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.