Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize