So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
