I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dick very happy bro
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
