can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
