everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
