she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
