goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
