I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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