o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
then he tried to convert me to islam
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
