I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
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