i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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