she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
