I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
