was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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