I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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