woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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