Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
