I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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