guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
