Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
