i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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