My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
