There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Randomize
