she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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