So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Say something about gay babies.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
