this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
