He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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