Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
