i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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