i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
